The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Marriage is a way of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied, "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."

A couple was having a heated discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded,"If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

A married man should forget his own mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

The wife has the last word in any argument. Anything her hubby says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman get her master's.

Young son, "Is it true, Dad, that in some Asian countries a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Father, "That happens in most countries, son."

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're real lucky, mine's still alive."

Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

Marriage Is A four Letter Word
A young couple were married and then embarked on their honeymoon.

When they returned, the bride ran to the phone and called her mother, who asked, "How was your honeymoon, dear?"

"Oh, mama!" she replied, "The honeymoon was so wonderful and romantic...". Then, suddenly she burst out crying and said "But mama, as soon as we returned home, he started using the most horrible language... things I'd never heard before! I mean, all those awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home. Please mama!"

"Darling, darling," her mother said, "calm down and tell me, what words could be so awful?"

The daughter cried, "please don't make me tell you, mama! I'm so embarrassed - they're just too awful! Just come and get me, please!"

"Oh, darling, you must tell me what has you so upset... tell me these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama... you know words like WASH, IRON, COOK, DUST and all that"

Just Like A Married Couple
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage on a train.

After their initial embarrassment, they both go to sleep. The man takes the top bunk, and the woman takes the lower bunk.

In the middle of the night, the man leans over and wakes the woman. "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket?"

The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye, says, "I have a better idea... just for tonight... let's pretend that we're married."

The man replies with excitement, "Okay! Sure!"

"Good," says the woman. "Get your own damn blanket!"

10 Rules Husbands Wished Their Wives Knew

1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your fat arse in a gym.
2. Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes arguments when we comment on it.
3. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
4. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
5. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
6. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
7. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
8. Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, that would look good with your dress?
9. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
10. If you want some dessert after a meal - order some. You don't have to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.